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Post by Jaimee on Feb 25, 2014 19:30:23 GMT 12
I have a baby with serve reflux and it sucks he is the most u happiest baby he's on medication and every single little thing suggest we have tried, and i was told to go out to these groups but my baby would just cry while everyone else sat nicely and i couldn't hear anything anyone say or listen because was to busy trying to stop my baby crying, so that kind of defeat the purpose of going out, which added more stress, i struggle every single day, to top it of my husband has left us because it was to hard, and he's never got up once in The night my son is almost 8 months now and still waking four to nine tiMes a night, im tired, i am seeing the maternity mental health nurse every couple weeks but she dosnt say much and just keeps asking if i want to go on drugs. Ive been to mother craft at waikato hospital and the plunket nurse wants me to go again, the only thing i have ever wanted to do in my life is be a mum and this sucks, i do have support from my parents they are great but still the struggle of everyday life is hard i think why me who did i piss off? Broken home, u happy baby, not what i had in mind.
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Post by Kia on Feb 26, 2014 8:59:59 GMT 12
Oh Jaimee, it is really hard. Becoming a parent is hard at the best of times... with Post Natal Illness thrown in on top... well it just makes everything ten times harder. I'm so sorry to hear your husband left. This thing can put such a huge strain on our relationships with partners. Is he still around and able to offer some support with caring for your son? He is still responsible for him too after all, and maybe this would help to give you a bit of space. I really would encourage you to to take the help from your parents too, I'm so pleased you have some people there to help support. Have you been able to speak with them about how you have been feeling? Sometimes I know, this can take a while before you feel comfortable enough to speak out with those close to you. Please do come back and have a vent here, it's what we are here for, and I know it helps! The only other thing I can suggest, have you spoken with your GP about the possibility of accessing counselling or CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) sessions? Especially if you are not keen on medication (though it can help and is safe these days - have a look in our medication section for more info). I know of a few mums who have really benefited from these types of talking therapies in my area, and were free with doctors referral, though I can't be 100% sure about access to those services in your area. I will also have a look to see if I can find out about any PNI/PND groups in your area. It really helps to be around other mums who have a really good idea how you are feeling. I am going to copy your post into the "Babies/Kids in general" category too if that's OK to see if I can get some more advice for you from other mums on the Reflux and Sleeping Issues you are having. I was lucky I didn't have to contend with those with my little one.
Last but not least... hang in there. You are doing so so well without even realising it. Every day survived is another step... another victory. Piece by piece you are doing it... though I know it feels like a huge battle zone right now. Enlist as much help as you can so that you can get some rest... please don't feel bad about asking for help because trust me (whether we are sick or not) we ALL need that as new mums. And of course, come back and talk to us...
Take care,
Kia x
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Post by Kia on Mar 17, 2014 20:12:12 GMT 12
Hey Kat and Jaimee.... How are you guys doing? X
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Post by Kat on Apr 1, 2014 10:25:21 GMT 12
Hey Kia and Jaimee.
I hate to read what you are going through Jaimee - my heart really goes out to you. My daughter has been the happiest, easiest baby, and I have still struggled with the worst time of my life. I cannot begin to imagine how hard it is for you.
I am going through another hard patch at the moment. My daughter is 15 months old now, and I can recognise that I love her to bits. But I absolutely hate being a stay at home mum. It's doing my head in. Intellectually I am so bored. And whenever we are at home my daughter just wants my attention all of the time, so I can't do anything for myself. I get so angry because she is so unreasonable - but what can I expect from someone who poops in their own pants???
I still feel like I am doing this by myself. I am constantly having conversations with my husband about that. I guess I'm a bit bitter that his life has barely changed, while mine couldn't be more different. But I'm applying for jobs now. Reckon she'll be okay going to creche more now that she's 15 months old. She started going for a few hours a week when she was 6 months old.
Is that a possibility for you Jaimee? I mean we seriously have to get away from the little buggers for at least some hours during the week to retain sanity. And it you're doing it by yourself more or less, you need to arrange time away from him somehow. I would go absolutely mental if I had to spend all the time with my daughter.
Funny things is, I never wanted to be a mum. It wasn't until I met my husband that I could see myself having children. Now I'm thinking: Why oh why didn't I stick to my original plan??!
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Post by Kia on Apr 6, 2014 6:15:32 GMT 12
Hi Kat,
Stormy patches are part of the journey. Try not to dwell too much or let yourself get too disheartened. Look back to when you started this thread, you have come SUCH a long way in that time....
I can relate to a lot of what you say about those feelings. The boredom that starts to eat you, the resentment towards hubby because it often feels his life hasn't changed that much while it feels like we have sacrificed everything. You know what I have come to realise is none of us are perfect mothers, but we are perfect enough for our own little ones. Some days (most days probably even if you don't think it) we are doing an amazing job, and if you're having a 'just good enough' day... Well then you know what, that's just fine. Totally ok. We are still human beings with individual needs and I really believe that when we neglect that as new mums things do start to go downhill.
It took me a long time to get the courage together to put my DD in with a porse educator one day a week and go to work that one day. It was hands down one of the best things I did. I have realised I am a better mum for going back to work now. Some mums thrive at home, and others need to go back to work for reasons other than financial ones... That is totally OK too. Don't forget, happy mums make for happy homes, and babies. Self care is something that takes time and effort to learn to do, but for me, it's not optional, it's essential.
Take care my lovely, and remember, you are a great mum. (P.s. That goes for everyone reading this).
Kia
xxx
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Post by Kia on May 4, 2014 20:05:04 GMT 12
How are things going for you Kat? x
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Post by Kat on Jun 17, 2014 19:56:50 GMT 12
Hi Kia,
Sorry I didn't reply to your last post. Have been taking it one day at a time.
Things have gotten way better with my husband. We went to see a psychologist together and it has made a world of difference. My husband is a lovely genuine person, but he was having difficulty seeing things from my point of view. It only took a couple of sessions with an unbiased third party for him to turn things around completely. I feel so blessed in that regard!
But I am still having major problems being a stay at home mum. Finding a job in today's climate is a slow process; and we can't really afford for my daughter to go to creche full time until I find a job. So I'm still stuck at home; and it's doing my head in. I find it so difficult to cope - especially if she is going through a grizzly / screaming phase. And it makes is so much worse that nobody else ever seems to talk about it. All the web sites I've been on there is always a bit of a "stay-at-home-mum" vs "working-mum" battle going on; but nobody says they HATE staying at home. It makes me wonder why I find it so hard to cope. To be totally honest (and it's still hard even being anonymous) I've really felt close to almost being suicidal. Man that's hard to admit. Sometimes it just feels like there's no hope; and I hate the fact I am finding it so hard. Why won't anyone else talk about it??? Or am I really the only one?
I'm trying not to give up. My GP is great, and she has just put on some new meds which seem okay. And I will keep going to my psychologist. But it just seems never ending. And to be honest I feel quite lonely too. Thank god for my sister - she lives five minutes away, and almost every night when my husband gets home I leave and go to her place until my daughter is in bed asleep. She is great, and probably the only reason I am still managing to go on.
Arghhh! This sucks. Feels like I am just waiting for the next three and half years to go by.
Kat.
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Post by Kia on Jun 23, 2014 20:46:15 GMT 12
One step at a time... One day at a time. And breathe. Sometimes that is enough to achieve when we are having a bad day.
You are not alone in saying you hate being at home. I have now heard and read that plenty times... But always in an arena of mums who have suffered from PND and in a space where they feel safe to say it. Feeling this way does not make you a bad mum... It just makes you a human being who has needs and desires outside of being in the home all day. That's ok. Quite a few mums I know have expressed how much they enjoy working as well as mummying and that's from those who have not had to struggle with PND too. Honestly, you are not alone in feeling this.
I don't think I've ever asked what area you are in honey? I'm just wondering whether there might be a local PND support group or something? There's nothing quite like being able to share your thoughts and feelings with other mums who just 'get it'.
Are there things you can get out and about do to with your daughter? I know sometimes that is hard when you are not feeling great, but I remember trying to make myself get out to regular library mums and bubs story time, and a regular playgroup. If only to help break up the monotony a bit. You know, getting a bit of structure in the day... Like tomorrow morning we will go to the park... Go for a walk... Any friends nearby with little one so you can get there for a cuppa and let the little ones play? I did that HEAPS.
Keep doing all the things that you find are helping. Seeing the psychologist, taking the meds, visiting your sister to escape when you need it... You really are doing sooo well. But if you are having really dark thoughts will you do one thing for me? Have a number you can call. There should be a local CATT team (Crisis Assessment & Treatment Team) look up your local health board website. Or the Samaritans have a 24/7 phone line 0800 726 666. Or it might just be a close, trusted person you can call anytime.
Write it down when you are feeling ok and make a mental note to yourself 'this is just in case I can't handle it' and if you ever get to that feeling... Call it. I have actually been there too, and had those thoughts. And they are damn scary. But admitting it is almost harder. And admitting and accepting the illness is a huge part of the healing process. See how strong you are? I know you can do this. You are already doing it... Bit by bit. You will get better and you will get yourself back.
Lots of love and hugs to you (((((((o))))))))
Kia x
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Post by Kia on Jun 23, 2014 20:51:57 GMT 12
P.s. I hope you might like this. I took part in this international walk/event last weekend. Climb Out of the Darkness... Organised by Postpartum Progess. Over 100 teams, in over 8 countries... More than 1000climbers, most of whom were mums who have recovered from PND, all climbing to shine a light on maternal mental health disorders.... And to show other mums still struggling that there is hope... That it's possible to get back in the world. Check out more at postpartumprogress.com and here is the lovely promotional video www.youtube.com/watch?v=JV3bEKJJRIo&sns=em |
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Post by Kia on Jul 11, 2014 14:11:47 GMT 12
How are you doing Kat? xxx
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